In hopefully what will become a regular feature on this blog, I’m going to follow the writer of Enter The Jabberwock‘s lead and dissect some of Jack Chick’s creationist tracts. This one, The Last Generation, is a dystopian “thriller” about a future world where creationists are executed in a very genocidal manner. Wow, that’s unrealistic-even less realistic than a college student outwitting a professor (another Chick tract). By the way, all inspiration and obtaining of this tract (It isn’t on the official Chick website, go figure) goes to the writer of Enter The Jabberwock. Let us begin:
In the future, all news reporters are wooden Ken dolls. And by the way, who names their kid Mahoney? A name like that is just asking for trouble.
That’s a pretty poorly designed flag behind them. Maybe it’s the color contrast or something, but from here, it just looks patched together. Not to mention how confusing the rest of the background is. Clip art mania.
Let’s take a quick moment to recap: it’s the near future (In a not too distant future, next Sunday A.D.), and anyone who thinks that Jesus is the only way to Heaven shall be executed. Okay… this is strange, if not completely bonkers. Back to our regularly scheduled proselytizing.
Notice that each building is A) numbered and B) roughly the size of a garden shed. It seems they can talk, too. So, in this dystopia, houses can talk. Well, at least we can’t get any weirder here, can we?
Why the pitchfork candelabra in the corner? What, this dystopia doesn’t have electricity? Well, things can’t get any weirder… can they?
You know, what, never mind. A world where downright hideous kids dress like Adolf Hitler is about as weird as you can get. Oh, and look at what follows this panel’s Bible verse: Bobby won’t live long. That is officially the funniest thing I’ve ever read in a Chick tract.
Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention something to you guys: there are a lot of Chick tracts about Satanic stuff, which apparently includes Halloween, roleplaying games, and Harry Potter. Wait, does he mean the pictures or the animals are great for a Halloween sacrifice?
I swear, if you look at it the right way, Bobby’s face looks exactly like a giant peppermint. Don’t believe me? Look for yourself. Who’s the Mother Goddess? I’m guessing she’s part of this new world religion that dominates everything else.
More talking buildings! And yes, folks, in a world where kids curse in the streets and call each other slime, Bobby still calls his dad (Actually, I am not sure of that guy’s identity, because this tract is about as easy to understand as Shakespeare in Sanskrit) an old crud.
I think this guy is shining a flashlight under his chin. Ooooh, spooky! “At any moment, Jesus will snatch all believers up into the air and take [them] into heaven.” Well, that’s kind of embarrassing. What if a believer was talking a shower?
Hey, wait, the background changed from dull drywall to slightly less dull checkerboard patterns! What the heck?! Of course, those guys are talking by candlelight, because there’s no electricity these days. And why does the guy on the right look so angry?
Um, how does this count as a classroom? It’s more like a very small concert. I mean, it looks like that teacher is crowd surfing! Meanwhile, the kids are going nuts for the weird jumpsuit guy who looks like a member of the Legion of Doom. Somehow, one of his eyebrows is super-sketchy, while the other one is perfectly clear!
Wait, how does Bobby suddenly have a heart coming out of his nose? And suddenly, the Healer is looking a lot more sympathetic. “Hey, kid! My cat’s missing and I’ve got candy in my car! Want some?”
Wait, now Bobby looks like a girl? Albeit an insane girl from this dystopia, but how weird is that?
No kid in the world behaves like this. No kid. Why does Bobby’s maybe-dad look so freaked out? I mean, he can outrun a kid, right?
This reminds me of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. Both have special facilities just for electrocuting supposedly lower life forms. Hey, both of those guys are Lex Luthor lookalikes! Wait, FOOD?! Soylent Green alert!
Up the surreally tall hill to the rickety old shack in the woods! How did they get there that fast, anyway? Oh, and of course Paul betrays them. You know, I find it hard to believe that Chick would really turn one of his own protagonists against his friends and/or family.
In this future, drugs are free at local government offices. Yeah, how realistic. And yeah, that government office was just a short walk away from the old safe house in the woods. But it takes an hour to fly by helicopter. That’s some sound logic.
And at that instant, the Rapture hit. Did Jesus do that for them, or was it just a convenient turn of events? Either way, it seems that this dystopia shall soon end… and that’s a wrap!
So, this is really the end of the plot (if you can call it that), save a few pages on getting saved and all of the usual stuff. What have we learned? Nothing, really, except that this is probably the least likely scenario for a dystopian future, other than everyone turning into bushels of pink high heels in five seconds. *waits five seconds* Nope, this is the least likely scenario. The end, I guess.