Okay, time warn you guys: this will most likely be the worst Chick tract yet (even worse than The Last Generation, believe it or not), but it marks my fifth dissection! Also, in case I can’t think of anything to write below the panel, I’m going to use the abbreviation AJPO or As Jabberwock Pointed Out, and point out things he’s said about the tract. You probably won’t see it that much, considering 3/5 of the dissections so far were tracts that the Jabberwock hadn’t done yet, but I don’t want to get into a copyright mess here. Let’s get on with this god-awful, sickly sweet cartoon tract about satanic schoolchildren. Agh!
Okay… so, they’re just standing on a plain of grass? No sun, no clouds, no trees? Nothing else to guide our perception of this drawing except a thin line of grass? Well, I guess I should be thankful for the grass, because sometimes these Chick tracts don’t even have that.
I’ve just found this tract’s main villain: an oversized It’s a Small World doll carrying an unrealistically small black cat. Who owns a plagiarism T-shirt, apparently. Get ready, this is the first of many Peanuts ripoffs.
I don’t even think that kid could talk realistically. It would just be like an Audio-Animatronic figure, and one of the old ones, at that. I’m losing my resolve.
“Look, Halloween’s tomorrow night.” Thank you, Jack! Finally, we have a time reference! I mean, we had one last time, with Heidi dying in… what was that? 1998?
What happened to the cat? Now it’s a clown’s head on a cat’s body.
AJPO:The Jabberwock pointed out that this is another Charlie Brown ripoff. I mean, look at those desks! Wait… please don’t tell me that’s Linus’s shirt in the first panel? Gyah!
Wait… so the Charlie Brown ripoff is Betsy’s brother? Jack has managed to pull off what he has never done before-an actual plot twist. Who’d have thought?
YOU! Dun-dun-dun! Seriously, though, this is like Peanuts meets Harry Potter: Witchcraft Repackaged. And I’ve seen some clips from that, so I know how that stuff is.
She doesn’t know who Jesus is, yet she capitalizes letters when she talks about him? Does anybody else notice this?
Again with the confusion! Jesus is God’s son, and the teacher is saying that he created the universe. But, according to the creationists, God made the universe! So, is this a joint thing? God & Son Creation? Hmmm?
So, all bad things count as sin? Badness is really in the eye of the beholder, isn’t it? Well, in some things, no, but you might watch a PG-13 movie when you’re only eight and somebody might call you bad, but… this is pretty much off topic, isn’t it?
Hey, there’s a building in the background! At least, I think that’s a building. From here it looks more like a giant Lego block.
God threw a giant arrow at the earth! Aaaaahhhh! Wait, is that even the earth? You’d think Jack could at least give us some real continents, unlike the whale-looking land mass Jesus is falling onto.
Punish… [Him]? Jesus even capitalizes the pronouns when he describes himself! Interesting…
Gravedigger One: Hey, Earl, d’you think we should just dump the body here?
Gravedigger Two: Dunno. Why not?
Where are the teacher’s eyes? I mean, even if she was like Burgess Meredith from that one episode of The Twilight Zone, you could probably still see her eyes, right? Interesting little tidbit of information for you.
AJPO: The Jabberwock also pointed out why Jack would need a “Later” sign in the second panel. I mean, how long was that?
Hey, it’s Fang! The strange, Chupacabra-like dog that appears in nearly every Chick tract ever published! And by the way, did the girl step outside, or is her house just a flat movie set or something?
Uh-oh, Betsy had better run, or else she’ll be accused of taking part in a rumble.
Okay, let’s do some continuity error nitpicking here: the brother (who, by the way, remains anonymous for some reason) said that Halloween was the next night, implying that they were going to sacrifice the cat then. But by the looks of things, they’ve sacrificed it the same night anyway. That doesn’t explain them wearing masks, or for that matter, the surprised-looking pumpkin in panel two.
Don’t do witchcraft… do your HOMEWORK! She’s going all after-school special on them. You know, you’d think she’d be more like don’t do witchcraft, go to church, or something like that. Hm.
We’re done, and I’m dreadfully disappointed in this tract, like I always am. I mean, just look at all of the bad things:
- Almost zero points of reference in the background.
- All of these dumb Peanuts ripoffs!
- The trying-to-be-appealing cartoony art that fails miserably.
- Completely unlikeable characters, as per usual.
Overall, on the awfulness scale, I’d place this tract above The Little Princess (which, for those of you who haven’t read it, is not about a girl who lives on a tiny planet and likes drawings of sheep), because at least some of the art is distinguishable, but not as bad as The Last Generation, which made no sense and was just… plain… bad. Join me next time when we do pretty much the same thing to a similar tract. Whew… maybe I should get therapy for the badness of this stuff.