We haven’t had a Chick dissection in a while, so let’s take a gander at the tract It’s The Law, which is specifically about the Ten Commandments. Of course, that won’t make the tract any better, but let’s hope we get a lucky break and this tract will be only B-grade, not Z-grade. Well, a kid can dream.
Oh, come on, not another “teacher as the atheist villain” tract! I expect a little variety, Jack! And the dinosaur posters in the background don’t help.
Nnnh…. nnnh… Apparently, that boy has constipation or something. And where did he get the phone from? Isn’t he at school?
“Hello! I am the generic Hitler-like guy who shoots down the arguments of smart people with my weak and pointless counter-arguments. But for this tract’s purposes I merely evangelize!” At least, that’s what I can interpret from looking at the first panel.
Yes, you’re in trouble, all right! You’re in a Chick tract! “WHAT?!”
“The most proven book in ancient history.” Yes, proven by scholars who misrepresent opposing theories and never manage to come up with a valid argument. Proven by those guys.
Fear of what?
Pharaoh: Hmph! I don’t have a table to rest my head on, so I’ll just use my hand.
It looks like Pharaoh put a statue of the Pink Panther in his palace.
Let’s get ready to rum-ble! It looks like Moses is putting the pain on the Egyptian Slave-Hurter, but how? Seriously, how? I mean, he’s pressing his finger against the guy’s temple.
It looks like God buried Egypt in a flood of… what is that? Straw? Pixie sticks?
For once, Jack actually got something right! The ancient Egyptians had a ton of gods! About a thousand or two, in fact. True story.
Oh, yeah, ten plagues, and nobody thought to write it down. Dear Diary: Nothing much happened today, except that the entire Nile River turned to blood. So, yeah, nothing much. I wish something interesting would happen to me.
Those are surprisingly accurate deptictions of Egyptian gods, Jack. All you need now is to get rid of your tracts and quit misrepresenting evolution and I’ll have an iota of respect for you.
Nope, they had no idea what would happen if you walk on a path surrounded by walls of water. There’s no chance that they would, I don’t know, even consider the idea that the walls would fall and that they would drown?
I have absolutely no idea what’s going on in the second panel. Is Moses running from an exploding pencil while a baby dinosaur is attacking him or something?
What about people who had never heard of Christianity? Like, people living in places where even missionaries won’t go? They might have other religons, but not because they were deliberately ignoring Christianity.
Okay, she took a paperclip from her classroom. It was her classroom, and most likely her paperclip. Staring into Uncle Bob’s strange eyes will not convince me that he’s being logical here.
Nope, good works won’t do it. You could find a cure to cancer and save a city from a volcano and that wouldn’t get you into heaven. But yeah, she’s in deep trouble. She’s a Chick tract character, after all.
What worlds? I mean, people living several thousand years ago would barely know a thing about astronomy beyond what they saw in the night sky, so how would they know about other planets? I mean, Jack makes it sound like there’s Earth, but also Discworld, Middle Earth, etc. See what I mean?
Side view of a man’s face-yet again! Is this like a trend or something, like Fang?
It looks like they bound Jesus to a car dealership inflatable man or something.
And, here we are again, with the unsaved person repenting, and yadda-yadda, saved! She’s a teacher, you know-she should know how to counter this stuff!
Final panel, guys! It’s amazing that we survived this, considering we had A) the usual educational villain, B) a long, annoying explanation of three seperate Bible stores, and C) the cliched repenting sequence that gets wimpier every time.
Okay, we’re done, so let’s review! Main characters: Christian kid, Christian dad, most likely atheist teacher. Plot: there wasn’t any. It was just the usual Chick tract yackum that ended with somebody getting saved. I’ve found that there are three types of Chick tract. Type one just explains the Bible, normally the story of Jesus, sometimes with an additional supplementary tale. Type two tells a story with actual characters. It doesn’t really have a plot, though. The third is what we see here. This type combines the aforementioned two. Well, that’s all for now! Next time, we go for a far more recent tract!