Reviewing Jack Chick: Here Comes The Judge!

It’s been a little while since we had a Chick dissection, so let’s take a gander at this story, which is about a judge who murders somebody… I think.  Or maybe the judge was corrupt.  I don’t know, since this tract has so many different characters.  There was a tract about a judge before, but this one is brand-new.  Which doesn’t make it better.  Some things never change, even though you desperately, desperately want it to.  DESPERATELY.

 Shouldn’t the honorable be capitalized when referring to a judge?  Then again, it’s hard to be honorable when you look like that.

Well, this is a very odd family.  The mother looks like an opera singer in a pantsuit, the older sister is just… weird.  The boy is normal-looking enough, but he dresses like a Jet.  And on top of all of that-oh, wait, somebody’s been murdered!

Somebody shrunk Excalibur and stabbed a guy with it.  And now the woman is going to become the queen of England.  Wait, why did the lamp fall down?

Wait… what was too dangerous?  Gathering evidence or watching your husband get murdered?  Or maybe it’s dangerous to be stared at by a guy who looks like he got plastic surgery from a spastic chimp.

Huff… huff… huff.  Lance is looking a lot like a gorilla in the Florida heat.  And apparently the judge is bedridden, for whatever reason.  And he looks like the world’s ugliest kiwi, so there.

Apparently, General Longnose Tinychin is in on the conspiracy, too, while Professor Glowing Evil Einstein looks on.  Meanwhile, Detective Mobster and his assistant, Detective Huffy arrest Kim Keefer.  Man, these are some ugly people!  And none of them have names, and all of them are in on this highly confusing plot to… what?  Cover up the murder of a detective?  What exactly is going on here?

 “Here comes the judge.”  Ah, so that’s where the title came from!

Wait… there’s no presentation of evidence?  No defense attorney?  This is more like a show trial than court.  Then again, Jack doesn’t seem to know much about the court system, given that he’s done multiple trials in past tracts.  That, and I don’t think you can get an extra ten years for insulting a judge.

World War II Anti-Japanese Propaganda Mascot, Attorney At Law.

So, let me get all of this straight: most of the state officials are in on a conspiracy to frame the murder victim’s wife, why?  Because he was a detective that found, what?  You see, this is why a twenty-page comic story just doesn’t work.

Okay, now I’m even more confused!  The governor has connections with a one-eyed contract killer, who he wants to kill both the judge and the reporter, who apparently has incriminating evidence of something that would obviously destroy the governor’s reputation… or so I think.  I’m not sure which has more confusing characters, The Last Generation, or this tract.

 William Howard Taft?  Is that you in front of the TV screen?

Twenty minutes?  This tract is twenty pages long, and it doesn’t take that long to read it!  It makes you wonder just how long Jack takes to crank out one of these things…

 Hate to nitpick, but how can you catch pneumonia in a hospital?  It’s not like they don’t sterilize the place, or keep each of the patients seperate from each other, right?  Then again, knowing Chick tracts, this is probably Catch Death Easy General.

It seems that the bandages have shrunk the judge’s nose some.  Which is good, because you could probably poke an eye out with that thing.

Okay, here we are at the typical evangelical message that takes place in all Chick tracts.  This stuff is gorier than the other panels, except in the kiddie cartoon tracts, i.e. Here, Kitty, Kitty, but it’s still evidence that the Bible isn’t exactly kid-friendly.

Oh, no!  The judge is burning in his bed!  At least, that’s what it looks like from here.  When will Jack’s art ever make sense?  NEVER, that’s when.

Yup, famines, plagues, and war.  That’s a loving, good God, right there.

So, did he accept Jesus?  He wrote “You’re Fired”, but he didn’t check one of the boxes.  Is this rejection by default?  WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME, JACK?!

Yes, of course, because everybody knows that if you dress like a doctor, you can get into any hospital, even if you have an eyepatch and a beard that screams mercenary.

Yeesh, disturbing much?  Nobody noticed the fact that he died 23 minutes after a dude with an eyepatch injected him with poison?  I mean, this hospital has security cameras, right?

That face is unbelievable PRICELESS.


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